Remembering Grandma

I am awake here at almost 1am while everyone at home is at Grandma's memorial service. It has been a hard month and especially this week has been difficult. It isn't easy to be away from my family as they mourn the loss of Grandma.

It has been hard for me to grieve on my own here since I can't talk face to face with family and be there in these emotional times. I desperately wish I could be there and I hope that they all understand my heart.

Today as I have been thinking and reflecting a lot I came across a letter that was stuck in my cookbook written by Grandma. It was exactly what I needed today and I love that I have it. I always loved her hand written letters. She was so faithful at writing me all through college and beyond. I love all the things she included in her letter. From telling me she had pictures scattered all over my room to a favorite memory and picture of her and I. She ended the letter by telling me she loves this picture of her and I in the kitchen. I am standing on a step stool so I can reach the counter and I am mixing cookie dough with Grandma at my side. As I read the description I knew exactly what picture she was talking about. She had also told me that she and my grandpa had several memories she cherished of the time I spent with them. I really don't think I could have found a more fitting letter than this one.

As I have been journaling things I loved about Grandma it was as if this letter, written 4 years ago was doing the same thing.

My Grandma was a very special lady and I am going to miss her terribly. The comfort I have is that she is not suffering any longer and that she is with Jesus now.

I could go on about how much I will miss my Grandma and all the things I did with her and do like her. I know that the grieving process takes time and I know it is going to look different for me.

The picture is from our trip to America to see her about a year and a half ago. We were celebrating my 30th birthday.